Censored Language

Fri, June 15, 2007 at 10:39AM
by: itsduhattityood



Time and time again, I ask myself... not the who, or the what, or the where, or the when, nor the how. I ask the why. WHY? WHY? I am like the child whose curiosity cannot be satisfied by trivial answers or whose questions are always unsettling. I have this need to know. It is an exigency... a necessity to discover that which is intrinsic to the circumstance.

Why is the sky blue? Because it is. Why is the night dark? Because it is.

Why do I have ears and eyes and nose and mouth? Why do I squirm at the sight of a puddle infested by maggots feasting over a dead insect? (Eeeek. That's gross!)

Why do I feel different... unlike any other? Because I am! I am the character that I built myself into.

And the need to know (not so much the who-what-where-when-how, as to the why) is a quintessential factor of my being me. Period.

But why the why? Can I not just settle with what's apparent, or perhaps accept what's imminent? (This is moot, but I am not up for an argument.)

The questions are endlessly looming. Therefore I will only focus on a particular point -- relationships.

Now... the big "why". WHY do I love or why do I hate? Why do I do the things I do or say the things I say... and then feel resentment towards myself? Such a foolish act, indeed.

My relationships come and go. (By relationships I mean, that between a man and a woman, for this matter.) I often find myself staring at the mirror and saying: "Now you see him.. now you don't!". It might sound funny, but it is not. On the contrary, it is corrupt, if not demoralizing. And yes... very detrimental to the ego as I ask (again and again) "What is wrong with me?"

FORKITT! there's nuttin' wrong with ME. Hah! It is what's wrong with THEM! They just gotta' learn to accept the fact that I am not a puppet on a string, nor am I some dumbazz (ooopps! bad word), uneducated mountain moron, and definitely not a typical passive woman who stands inferior to the man. I am wonder woman! he he he. (Don'tcha just wanna slap me awake from my delirium? LOL)