Blank

i sit here. a blank stare at the wall. thoughts rage through my mind. different thoughts. contemplating. deliberating. questioning.
what bothers me today as in the many days past, i cannot put a finger to. i dissect layer upon layer of logic and reasoning, but still could not alleviate the turmoil in my mind.
what is this that cannot keep me still... that keeps me wondering why i feel like i feel and yet this feeling i cannot define. this feeling which is a mishmash of disquietude, of anger and hostility, of mistrust and suspicion, of fear and despair. this feeling which deprives me of tranquility and which leaves me in lassitude.
i don't want to be devoid of emotions. i want to feel, but feel i cannot. only that i am non-existent. in the body i am here... in the mind, i am elsewhere.
WHAT is there that awaits me?
WHY can't i find that which i am looking for?
HOW do i reach for the answers that keep evading me?
WHERE will this take me?
WHEN will this ever end?