I Am My Friend's Vent

Oftentimes we're better off putting those intense feelings into writing. It not only gives us something to ponder upon in days to come, it also serves as a reminder of once upon a time when we stumble and fell and thought we'd never get up again...but we did!

The following is an open letter from somebody I hold near and dear to my heart. I did not post this to let the world know of her predicament, but rather to allow her to vent and let that "demon" of sentiment out of her system. ~itsduhattityood

(From my Friend: an Anonymous Contributor -- MY PERSON)
I really struggled with a title for this and as I am writing it I am still unsure what to title it. But maybe as I write it will come to me. Anyway :o) I'm doing well. I get a lot of PPL askin me if I miss him and the honest answer is no. I don't miss him I miss the person I thought he was. Kind of cliche, I know. But I truly mean it. 

Never did I expect him to do what he did. I guess I feel he not only betrayed my friendship but didn't respect me at all. Nor did he really care that I did love him. If he did he wouldn't have done things the way he did. I can honestly say I wouldn't have fought, I still would have walked away, but at least I would've had the chance for closure. Instead I was left with so many unanswered questions. And Ill state now as I did then, I really do NOT know what his issues with me were. 

But that doesn't even matter. At this juncture I know I will never get closure so I must learn from myself and evaluate me. I can see now that yes I did compromise on some levels. I wont say that I didn't love him because I did and in some way probably still do. 

But looking at the bigger picture now, I can see where there would be some major issues in the long run. I am not saying that because I am trying to save face. I am saying that because I need to learn from this. I need to learn to respect my own boundaries and realize my own wants and needs. 

Although I do not want someone that bows to my every need lol I need someone that can compromise. I need someone that is open to new adventures. Hard to explain but lets try it this way :o) I love theater and I need someone that is open to that. Make sense now? 

I need someone that is willing to learn new hobbies, just as I am willing to learn new things. Someone that can grow with me rather then be closed minded to trying something they have never liked or experienced before. I realize now I need someone that is into being outside lol again hard to explain! 

But I'll use tonite as an example. It was MOFO freezing but I had the opportunity to go explore some of Sandy Hook with a guide, so I took it. To me that is IMPORTANT, it was a new experience and a way to get a lil exercise. Gave me time to relax and appreciate some things PPL take for granted.
And that's what I need in a partner. Someone who enjoys those things. There is nothing better then being outside lol cold or not. I love to get up on a weekend and go explore a new park or maybe even find something new in one I frequent. Sounds kinda GHEY I know LOL But that's me. I do like many things. Some a lil off beat :o) Enough about me

This is getting REALLY long, not that anyone is frigging reading it LOL! But this is my last um beef? Since the see ya later email from him I had heard nothing for a while. THEN I get an email from him. ONE line. It said I guess I was correct about you! I was like HUH what? I had (and still have) no idea what that meant. So if ya know me, you know I had a smart response. 

Something along the lines of sorry I lost my secret decoder ring so I don't know what you are trying to imply. I haven't a clue what he meant and of course he will never tell me. LOL so be it. What I can say is this. I did find out he was in the hospital a few days after the goodbye email. So I did send him an email saying I was sorry to hear he was in the hospital and to let me know if he needed anything. Hey what can I say? I'm not a twat :o) But my feeling is he expected more then that. And to that I say he kicked me to the curb VIA email! I wasn't obligated to do ANYTHING! If he feels otherwise somehow I don't feel that's my problem!

Thanks to you all for keeping me strong and helping me laugh!