Two Thoughts In One

There's really not much I can do. My hands are tied. I don't even have any choice.

Outside I am bubbly. Inside I am dead. I am scarred all over that there isn't any ounce of verve left to keep me going.

I'm tired. I am all consumed by weariness. I can no more rationalize the "why", much more accommodate the "how". I now feel the pangs of resentment and the misery of reproach.

"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." - Anais Nin

I want to live, not just exist. I want to play the lead... it's time I take the center stage. It gets lonely and dark beyond the curtains while I continue to struggle behind the scenes.

I feel empty. I feel drained. I feel weak-kneed to overcome the adversities I once courageously faced. I can't go on... truly, I can't.

The clock is a ticking time-bomb foreshadowing what little chance I have left each time I decline to change my route.

No more of that. It is indeed time to make a move and start living...

Update on Mon, April 16, 2007 at 08:19PM by itsduhattityood
NOBODY can make us do what we don't want to do unless we allow them to restrict us; NOBODY can make us feel the way we feel unless we allow them to overpower us. NOBODY else can give us true happiness unless we give ourselves that privilege.

Sometimes we get so wrapped up in our own eccentricities that we get into the habit of blaming others for what have become of us. We get so hampered in our self condolement that we feel the world owes us a better life -- and if indeed we fall into that dark hole of abandonment, we cry out loud and get angered by the fate with which we put ourselves into.

What nonsense is this???

Let me quote Barbara de Angelis again: "No one is in control of your happiness but you; therefore, you have the power to change anything about yourself or your life that you want to change."

A simple truth. Therefore, why wallow in grief and beg to be destitute? Why lament over ostentatious grief, when in fact we have everything in our hands to make things right?

Again... what nonsense is this?

Enough said. I am getting into the late hours of my life.

Yes, I will now assume the role I have always wanted to perform. Yes, I will now take the center stage and prompt myself to see what I have been, for so long, rejecting for some shallow cause.

"I have become my own version of an optimist. If I can't make it through one door, I'll go through another door - or I'll make a door. Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present." - Joan Rivers