I am Drifting

i feel like i'm living on the edge. i feel like i'm drifting.
Can I talk to me? I want ME to tell me what is going on.

I looked at myself in the mirror and I started talking to me. To You -- yes YOU, the one who is the same exact person as I am.

Look at you. What once was a happy face is now a picture of distress. Is the whole world weighing upon you? Is it really? Or maybe you just think it is -- because there's nothing else there but that?

I think I know why you're moping. You're tired, aren't you? You're tired of being you. The YOU who constantly put things together; the YOU who make sure that there will always be options and choices to be made; the YOU who cannot stand being defeated just because... You're just tired of all the promises of tomorrow that will never happen.

And so you ask yourself, "Why does it have to be me?"

Drop that thought. It's a moot point. Just go to the source. Get to the bottom of it all.

Ask yourself, "Why are you tired?" Is it because there are none, nor have there been -- changes in your life lately? I know you like changes. Sometimes, almost abrupt changes. You do a 180-degree turn and then you take it from there. With nothing. You could care less if the aftermath will be a good or bad change. You just like to change. With nothing.

Now you stand before yourself, with remorse. Why? But you like changes. You did your change way back when. And now that life has changed, you regret? Do you really regret the fact that you are still standing up after all that you went through? All that anguish, and despair, and struggles, and yearnings, and failures. And you did it on your own. Give yourself a pat on the back. You deserve that.

So why the long face? Oh I know. Even though you are free to do as you wish, freedom is still not yours. Your back is still against the wall. There are stones still left unturned. And that is why you say "I feel like I'm living on the edge"; "I feel like I'm drifting". Because you do things as if there will be no tomorrow, and then you just let yourself be carried away by the currents of guilt.

I think (as in a matter of opinion) that you have turned into a rebel. You now defy the laws of ethics that you've always revered. Well, that's fine! Go ahead and indulge. If that will give you momentary joy, then by all means... do.

But that is not what this is all about, is it? Oh hell yeah, I know you. I know you too well that sometimes I'm afraid that I don't know who you are anymore. But sure, I know you. You are me. I am you. Therefore, I know what's causing all these [chaotic fragments of thoughts in your head] to explode.

So if I know you, then why do I ask? You know and I know that life is nothing but a great big puzzle. It takes time, and sweat, and tears to obtain all those pieces. And even though you think that you've got all the pieces, you need me to put those pieces together.