—Synonyms 1. loathe, execrate; despise. Hate, abhor, detest, abominate imply feeling intense dislike or aversion toward something. Hate, the simple and general word, suggests passionate dislike and a feeling of enmity: to hate autocracy. Abhor expresses a deep-rooted horror and a sense of repugnance or complete rejection: to abhor cruelty; Nature abhors a vacuum. Detest implies intense, even vehement, dislike and antipathy, besides a sense of disdain: to detest a combination of ignorance and arrogance. Abominate expresses a strong feeling of disgust and repulsion toward something thought of as unworthy, unlucky, or the like: to abominate treachery.
(American Psychological Association (APA):
hate. (n.d.). Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1). Retrieved April 06, 2007, from Dictionary.com website: http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/hate)
Too strong a word. Yet it fits just fine. At least for the time being... while I drown in self-pity.
Damn me. I hate that hateful hate; loathe that loatheful loathe; despise the despicable desp?? WTFFFFFF?
I am not in the brightest of bright days, as you can tell. I have this need to push -- as in push somebody off a cliff LOL. I am evil today -- I guess the devil is trying to tempt. Ah temptation. And appropriately on Good Friday!
What do you do when you're' in such a temperament? Kill yourself? Hell no. That hurts. Besides, that's something you cannot say "ooops. I goofed. Let's start over". You can only say OOpps once. And only once.
Retrospect. Why this feeling?
A combination of blah's and boo-hoo's and bahahah's. Hate is too strong a word. Let me use "irk" -- that's more of annoyance. Nah. Let's go back to disgust. Yeah. Better.
I am disgusted. At myself. Why? Because I let myself be carried away by the need to need, the need to want, the need to have. And that puts me in a predicament where I have no control of my actions. And when things get out of hand, that's when resentment seeps in. Blah!
Oh boy. Now it's resentment. Funny... don't you see? How one word leads to another. For the same matter, how one sentiment leads to another.. and another.. and another... until everything just seems to be a puddle of mixed kadoodles.
From hatred, to disgust, to irkness, to resentment. Whooa. That's a handful. Again, you ask... Why?
I don't like it. Ok. I hate it. I hate it when I feel this way. Insecure. (Where the hell did that come from?) "uhm. I 'onno. Ok. Wait. Just my style. I have to stop. Take a break. A breather I always say. I'll be back...
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