Inspired by the story of the SuperMom and urged by the need to respond to a little girl's plea to be heard, the Mommy now speaks. (Now, get with the program, Yo! The mommy is ME and the little girl -- uhh, she's not little anymore. She's about 4 inches taller than me!! -- is the daughter).
And so.. ok. I came home from work. Just another day of the same routine. I kicked my shoes off and straight to the kitchen I went. I made "ispa-jetti" (it's spaghetti, dork!) for dinner. It didn't take much to make the sauce. Browned the meat, threw in the onions, spice here and there.. uhm...more spices... and more.. and more. ok Enough!! Poured about three jars of the magic sauce (it's ready-made, that's why I called it magic) and wella!! dinner was ready.
The usual calling: "time to eeeeatt!".
Over dinner is when my children and I get into this "forum" mode. Ya' know... that time when you kinda' get serious, but not really serious because one of the two "mokongs" will throw in a joke and heaven knows I will not have any idea of where the punchline is. (This generation, mind you, has their own bloggalanguage. Nyub. Owned. IDK. eh??!@#).
Depending on the day's mood, dinner will either be subdued or routinely flat. It could also be drawn out and distressing. Sober is when nobody wants to talk and actions are constrained. Daunting is when my batteries for venting are overcharged. And this is the time when the kids get antsy.
At some point in time during the meal, everything that has been bottled up inside me [just for that day] would uncap. And the saga of family issues begin...
blah. blah. blah. !!#$%@. yada-yada-yada. &%@!!.
The aura is of mixed emotions. Anger. Annoyance. Hopelessness. Abandonment. Defeat. Surrender. Impatience. Anxiety. Resentment. You name it... it's there in some shape or form.
I start to question myself. Is it me? or is it me?!! It must be ME!! For no matter how much effort I put into instilling moral values and behaviour into these kids' head -- nothing seems to be absorbing. We'd be on the same case -- over and over and over again.
However, these last couple of weeks, dinner wasn't as dramatic as it used to be. (I'll tell you what "dramatic" is... if not here, then on another entry.) On the contrary, dinner had been quite pleasant. The usual silences were replaced by gigglings and playfully sarcastic remarks.
I have to admit, I'm starting to feel a change in the air. (Yes! there is an Almighty Power!). And quite frankly, I'm liking the switch from afflicting to pleasing. The conversation is wide open. There is dialogue (as opposed to my giving a monologue!)
As I write this revelation, my heart is beating much too fast for my typing (Wait! isn't this a line from a song??! LOL). I'm just going to end this in saying: There could never be a mother who loves her children more than I could love them. (HAH! another line from a song) La-La-La!!
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