Watzrongwitme

just my luck. why me? what did i do to deserve such punishment? it sounds funny but it really isn't funny.

i wonder what crime or sin i committed in my other life that i am paying for now?

all i wanted was to be happy and content. was that too much to ask for? but in being happy, it doesn't mean that i will be blind to things that i see and will affect me. i cannot accept things just because they were meant to be there. anything that gives me an ill feeling is not going to make me happy.
i'm just talking to myself here. no, i'm not ranting. just talking. or speaking (writing?) out loud. these thoughts that run through my head.

will it ever stop?

how did this all begin? i shouldn't blame myself, but i think i am to blame. i ruined my life (and my children's) because i ruined my marriage. i should have stayed where i was. maybe it could have worked in the end. maybe. but maybe not.

i struggled. i battled. in between keeping sane and keeping a roof over our heads, i tried to balance my social life. i guess i didn't do it right from the start. every time a relationship goes sour, it is my fault. and so i move on to the next, hoping to learn from the past. wrong again. and history repeats itself.

i used to have a name for myself: watzrongwitme. hah! i should have kept that. it is soooo me! true. what's wrong with me? am i being too selective? am i being too strict? or perhaps im being too lenient. too loose, if that doesn't bring a negative connotation. hah! that's it. so i'm tainted. all because i was trying to find the perfect one.

oh shoot me. since when did the Almighty create somebody perfect? not even adam was perfect.
i can't write any more. i feel devoid of emotions. lol. that sounds familiar. i use that phrase all the time. apathetic. is there really such a word? i wonder...

there goes the song again... it's sad. so sad. it's a sad sad situation. and it's getting more and more absurd.