Arghh!!

forgive me.. but my nerves are in haywire.

blow by blow, one after another in just one day put my resistance to the test and i failed. too much disquiet is hard to bear. i cannot contain myself.

that is why i sit here at this time of night. to sort things out? NO. just to find solace in the privilege of free expression through writing.

you don't have to read this -- but i see it caught your interest (because you are still reading it. hah!). do you ever wonder what it feels like to hold internal turmoil? we've all had our own bedlam, and indeed, one differs greatly from another. what may be tolerable to you could be disturbing to another. but at the end of the day, it is in how we process these tumults that we gauge our strength. we either get up and continue to race, or just run away.

most of the time, i choose to challenge myself.  though our minds ordain our feelings and action, we are still in control of our minds -- as to how to make it function according to our needs.

but when the mind conspires with the emotions, that is a tough deal. you take it or you leave it.