Freedom At Will

By all means... feel free to condemn me. Go ahead.

If in your eyes I deserve to be, then cast that stone and send me away to be punished. But before you do that, walk a mile in my shoes and then judge me.

I just now realized that I cannot always be accountable for any misery or distress caused by my principles. My principles are nothing but fundamental and essential rules to my perspectives in life. I cannot live for anybody but myself.  Because only myself knows what will bring contentment and peace to my soul.

What happened tonight? Nothing.

I just saw things from the outside in...from a different view if I may say so. I am not the only one whose lifestyle defies the rules of ethics and nobility. I saw plenty of those whose lifestyles are very similar to mine... yet they can associate freely and without any trace of discord. Why, then, can I not exist as they do? 

The manner in which I live my life reflects my values and attitudes. And one of those values is to keep my convictions consistent with my upbringing. However, as years add ordeals to my interactions with the environment, my dispositions change. And my character changed along with those changes.

In as much as I would like to fit into this world of deceit and hypocrisy, my inner self rebels. How can a square peg fit into a round hole? My principles refuse to follow the governing rule of approbation. But if I want to be accepted, I should not contest.   Go with the flow.  Ride with the wind. 

For a long time I lived with this restriction.  I cannot do what I want to do because it may cause a breach of allegiance. I cannot be myself. So I kept the contempt to myself.  However, while I may not be one to readily pull the sword and spar, I can contend with the pen.   And I managed to survive with that. 

But tonight, I admit.  I am guilty. 

I am indeed culpable of letting myself free from all angst and disquietude that have imprisoned my mind for so long. No longer do I hold the torch of transgression nor do I hold myself responsible for the non-conformity to the rules of moral and righteous conduct. I finally mustered the ability to speak my mind rather than let my mind be spoken for. I am no longer afraid to say NO and to not allow myself to get swept away with the currents of convenience. 

So if that depravity is worthy of retribution, then go ahead and flog me. Punish me and disown me. So that I may say to myself that I have paid for the consequences of my immorality. So that I may start my life from scratch. Filled with my self-made choices, yet clear of all the filth and grime that society harbors.

So what if I am now an outcast of this posse that hides behind its name for the same immorality that I am accused of. What irony!!

But I am now free.

So... go ahead. Condemn me.